/////

For my job, it is difficult to maintain a good balance of time to for learning and working. It is a huge task for me to work indeed. I have started worrying about my career since I have starting working. ‘Is my current job suitable for me as my career?’ is a challenging question for me. I am not good at computing. My technical skills are so weak that I cannot accept myself to be a programmer. However, it is so ironic that I am now working as a programmer for over a year. This is the truth and I need to accept. I try to be enthusiastic towards my career and, in fact, I love programming but I cannot work as expected. This is quite frustrated. I cannot take this as my interest because it is my job. Enjoying my job is not that difficult. My pressure I give myself on my job is a critical issue.

For my family, knowing my family loves me, I give myself a lot of pressure in different aspect. I cannot show them any of my unhappiness even I am seriously depressed. As I have mentioned before, being silent is the method to avoid any argument caused by my unhappiness.

For extra activities from other parties, this is what others said who put oneself at risk because one has separated oneself in so many aspects. I am sure that I am that kind of person. Once I have made the promise, it becomes one of my responsibilities. I need to finish the promised issue, even which is a voluntary job. This is what my personality like and this is difficult to change.

My friends ask me to give myself a change. I have changed a lot but it seems that the change is not worth telling anyone, or the change can be known as turning worse for my life.