有一位網友，電郵詢問香港公務員聯考（JRE）的問題，擔心自己的英文不濟，寫了一些試答的文章給我看看。
我的回覆電郵，可能有些同樣處境的讀者會有興趣一讀，轉貼如下：
XX兄，
匆匆瀏覽過你寫的三篇文章，是你針對公務員聯考的題目的試作吧。
我可以說，你的英文一點不差，好過以前和我共事的行政主任同事，文法錯誤甚少；
主要問題，是文章的學術性外觀和官腔味比較重，論述表達方法有點迂迴。
我相信公務員筆試平常的準則，是看你敘述已知的事實的能力，和提出的論述的技巧和質素。
評卷的大人，每日都在看官腔文章多；想出奇制勝，就不要陳陳相因，文字要有生氣，多用實在的字眼，少用抽象的表達。
就拿你第三篇文章的一段為例：
Aging population, by definition, refers to proportion of the people aged above 65 is increasing in the society because of declining birth rates and rising life expectancy. For World Health Organization (WHO), when there is over 7% of overall population aged above 65, it is an “aging-society”; and when there is 20% population aged above 65, it is a “hyper-aged society”. In other words, so called “aging population” is just in statistical means. What we worry is the problems caused by the aging population, which include decreasing labor force, increasing financial burden for elderly welfare, and declining social vigor and economics competitiveness.
如果是我，或者會這樣寫：
Aging population normally refers to proportion of the people aged above 65 is increasing in a community due to the declining birth rates and rising life expectancy. According to World Health Organization (WHO), where there is over 7% of population aged above 65, it is an “aging-society”; and when there is 20% population aged above 65, it is a “hyper-aged society”. In other words, “Aging Population” is up to statistical interpretations. Aging Population is a big issue because it implies a decreasing labour force, increasing financial burden in social welfare, declining social vigour and economic competitiveness.
年齡是否應考人獲得取錄的障礙？這有可能的。
雖然招聘廣告沒這樣標明，如果申請的人多，就會以此為潛規則來篩選，你就會莫名其妙的刷下來了。不過這是你沒法控制的，所以屢試不第，也毋須懷疑自己的能力。
你已經有足夠的語彙和見識，學寫文章就是要增進表達能力，我會認為還是用老方法，觀察與模仿。每日精讀英國The Guardian （http://www.theguardian.com/uk/commentisfree）和美國 New York Times 的（http://www.nytimes.com/pages/opinion/index.html）的評論版。
不用貪多，如果時間不夠，就每份報紙精讀其中一篇的一大段，我意思是反覆的讀，咀嚼和欣賞他們的好句。久之必有進益。
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感謝 子貓物語 提供以上資料
子貓物語的網誌: http://chrisleung1954.blogspot.hk/
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